


We can help each other

by GracefulDisaster



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Alec, Hurt Magnus, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Alec, Protective Magnus, Smutt, Suicide Attempt, Thixophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:34:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GracefulDisaster/pseuds/GracefulDisaster
Summary: Alec Lightwood, age 17, and has thixophobia, is sent to Idris. A place where parents send their kids to get better.Magnus Bane is one of the psychiatrists who works there.When Alec gets assigned as Magnus's new patient, things begin to change for them both.(thixophobia - a fear of touching or being touched.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this is my last story I'm going to be working on until I finish one of them.  
> I will continue to work on my other ones so don't worry about that (:  
> I hope you guys like the story.
> 
> Warning: There will be mentions of past non con in this story. Nothing too graphic so don't worry.

Ending up in a place like this was never ideal. It was strange and scary to be somewhere new where you know that your life is going to change. For better or for worse? No one really knows. So here they were standing in front of the huge building that could look abandoned if you didn't know any better. Idris institute. It's a place where parents drop off their kids from ages 10 - 18 for their kids to get better. 

Alec Lightwood was going to be starting his new life here. His mother, Isabelle, Jace, and Alec had just arrived at the institute and were now making their way inside. Alec gripped his duffel bag in his right hand as they made their way inside. Alec didn't want to be here. He was terrified. His siblings also felt the same way. They didn't want their brother to leave. However it wasn't up to them. It was his mothers choice and Alec was there because his mother didn't believe a word Alec had told her.

Making their way towards the front desk, the woman who was typing away at a computer looked up and gave a friendly, warm smile that Alec knew was genuine and not faked. The woman had dark skin and long blue hair that was tied up in a hair tie wearing purple scrubs. She had a name tag on that said Catarina. Maryse grabbed Alec by the arm dragging him towards the front desk.

"Hello, are you Alexander Lightwood?" Catarina asked.

Alec looked up but didn't give eye contact and gave a short and shy nod. Catarina smiled softly at him and nodded her own head typing something into the computer once more.

"It's wonderful to meet you Alexander. My name is Catarina but many people call me cat. Is there a special name you would like me to call you sweetie?" Cat asked.

"Alec." Alec whispered.

Cat smiled and nodded. She then looked up at Maryse and slid her a piece of paper and a pen. Maryse glared at Cat and then looked down at the paper and back up at her. She slid the paper back towards Cat including the pen.

"I already filled out paper work. You should have it in your files."

Cat sighed and pushed the paper back. "Yes you did but this is a new sheet. This paper is important for you too fill out. It lets us know what kind of food he can't eat if there is anything. What he's allergic too. Things like that. It's also stating when visiting hours are and important things like that."

Maryse snatched the paper and began to fill it out. When she was done she handed the paper back roughly. Cat grabbed it and placed it into a folder. 

"Alright well that is it. If we have any questions or concerns we will call you. Now I know this is hard but it's time for you all to say good bye to Alec. We have a lot to do and the longer you guys stay, the harder it is for Alec to say good bye." 

Isabelle was the first one to run over to Alec and hug him goodbye causing Alec to drop his bag and bury his face into his sisters neck. She felt tears roll down her neck but she didn't care. It was her brother and she even felt her self crying. Isabelle and Jace were the only ones he let touch him. They were the only ones he trusted. 

"You're going to be okay Alec. I know you will. I will try my best to come visit you as much as I can. I know mom's probably going to try to stop me and Jace but we will find a way to visit you. I don't care what she has to say. I love you so much Alec." 

"I love you too." Alec whispered back. 

Isabelle unwrapped herself around Alec as she wiped her eyes. She kissed him on the cheek before walking backwards and letting Jace hug Alec next.

"You be strong okay Alec? You do what you have to do. If I find out that anyone is hurting you, you can bet that i'll find a way to get you out. I love you Alec. You're my best friend and my brother. You're going to be okay." 

"Thanks Jace." Alec replied.

When Jace stepped away, Alec looked up at over at his mother. She walked up to Alec but didn't pull him into a hug. She folded her arms in front of her and looked directly into her sons eyes. 

"You're here so that you can get over your phase of this whole stupid not letting people touch you thing. You're also here so you learn to stop lying. Be respectful and behave Alexander. You're not a kid anymore. You don't need me around and you don't need your siblings. You're almost 18. Don't call us unless you have too. Good bye."

Without a word, Maryse turned on her heal and walked out. Isabelle and Jace gave Alec one last hug before walking out as well. Now it was just Alec. He was alone even in a place full of other people. And that scared him. He was never good at making friends or even talking to strangers. 

"Is she always like that?" Cat asked gently.

"Yeah. She means well though." Alec replied even though he knew the words coming out of his mouth was fake. 

Cat nodded and walked around the desk. "Alright, lets get you settled in and then we can discuss about what's going to happen alright?"

Alec gave a half nod and followed Cat down a long hall. After a few minutes Cat stopped and opened a door and walked inside as Alec followed. It was a fairly sized room with two beds, one on each side. There were star wars and comic book character posters hung up above the bed on the left side of the room and the closet on that side was full of clothing. Alec sighed and placed his bag down on the free bed. 

"As you can see, you do have a roommate. But don't worry. Simon is a good kid. He might get a little chatty but just tell him if it's too much. Now here is a paper with the schedule on it. Before we go over it, I'm going to need your phone. We don't allow our patients to have one. We do have phones here but you will have to ask me or one of the staff here to use the phone. It's for safety reasons."

Alec reached into his back pocket and handed over his phone. He didn't want to hand it over because it was a way for him to be in contact with his siblings but he knew that putting up a fight was stupid and he didn't feel like done it either. Cat smiled thankfully as she grabbed the phone and placed it into her own pocket. They then sat down and began to go over his schedule. 

It basically told him when his therapy appointments were, when Breakfast, lunch, and dinner was, when he had to go in for a medical check up, and it also had a time for lights out at night. Alec scrunched his nose when he read that part. Of course there was a curfew. Alec hated night time because that meant it was time to sleep and Alec always had trouble sleeping. 

At the bottom of the paper were optional activities that he could go to if he wanted too. Like Music therapy and game night and things like that. After discussing everything, Cat left saying that he had an hour to get settled into his room before she would be back to take him to his first therapy session. She also told him not to worry because they wouldn't be going into anything deep on his first session. It was more of a way for him and his therapist to get to know each other and to see how the whole thing works. 

When Cat closed the door behind him, he threw his bag on the floor and laid down on his bed. He really didn't want to do anything today but unfortunately that's not how life worked. After a few minutes he began to unpack his bag and put everything away. He was glad there was a bathroom in his room. He really didn't want to share one with a bunch of other people. Sharing a bathroom with one person was better then sharing it with everyone. 

When Alec was done he sat back down on his bed and grabbed his picture that he took with him and looked at it. It was a picture of him, Isabelle, Jace, and his younger brother Max all smiling and being happy. When he looked at Max he felt tears rush to his eyes. Max had died in a car accident two years ago. Alec shook his head and placed the picture underneath his pillow. He then laid down and waited until Cat came to get him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus meet for the first time.  
> (Very short chapter I am so sorry. The next one will be much longer I promise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.   
> I hope you like the chapter.   
> If there are any mistakes I apologize.

There was a knock on the door and a few seconds later someone was gently shaking his shoulder. Alec's eyes flung open and he backed away from the touch as his back hit the wall. Standing in front of him was a teenage boy about his age with brown shaggy hair and glasses that were falling down his face. His eyes were wide, probably from Alec's reaction.

"Whoa. Sorry man." The kid said holding up his hands.

Alec shook his head. "It's fine. Just please don't touch me again." 

"Yeah, of course man. Sure. Won't do it again. Nope nope nope." 

Alec squinted at the kid. He was rambling and Alec let out a huff. "Don't call me man again either. My name is Alec. Who are you and why were you waking me up?"

"Oh right, yeah of course you have a name. Right yeah. I'm Simon Lewis. Your room mate. It feels weird having a room mate. I haven't had one in a year. But hey it's cool. Now I won't feel so lonely. But anyways I woke you up because Cat asked me if I could take you to therapy. She got called in at the last minute because one of the patients tried to hang themselves. She's one of the doctors here."

"Hang themselves?" Alec asked with wide eyes.

Simon nodded. "Yeah. It happens sometimes. But don't worry. This place isn't bad. People don't hang their selves because of this place. They do it because they think they wont be able to be fixed or they just don't want to live any more. It's sad really but it's the truth. But I'm sure you will like it here. The people are nice. Magnus is nice. He's going to be your therapist. He's mine too. He's a cool dude. Which reminds me we have to go." 

Alec sighed as he stood up and stretched. He then followed Simon out of their room and down the hall. After two right turns and one left turn, they were down another hall way and a few seconds later they were stopped in front of a door. Simon smiled at Alec before knocking on the door and when they heard a voice say "it's open" Simon opened the door and walked in motioning Alec to follow him.

"Hey Magnus." Simon said with a toothy grin.

Magnus looked up from the papers that were on his desk and looked over with a smile. "Hey there Simon. You doing alright?" 

"Yeah. I'm doing much better today. It's less quiet. Anyways I have Alec here for you." 

Magnus looked over at Alec and Alec could of sworn he saw Magnus's eyes widen. But it was only for a second before Magnus smiled once more and nodded before waving his hand for Alec to come over.

"Well I guess I'll see you later. I'll come and get you when you're done. Bye Magnus. Bye new roomie." Simon said with a grin as he turned around and left the room.

Alec watched as Simon leave and once he was gone he turned his head to see Magnus looking at him. Alec shifted from his right foot to his left food and looked away before looking back at Magnus who was now smiling.

"You can take a seat darling." 

Alec nodded and slowly walked over to the chair that was in front of Magnus's desk and sat down. The chair was actually a big brown recliner and it was very comfortable. Once Alec sat down he looked down at his hands and fidgeted with his fingers.

"Alexander Lightwood correct?" Magnus asks softly.

Alec slowly looks up and nods his head shyly.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Magnus Bane." 

"You too." Alec replies quietly. 

Magnus smiles at him and Alec is grateful that he didn't offer his hand to shake. Magnus looked at Alec and knew what he was thinking. 

"I know that you don't like people touching you or you touching them Alexander. It's alright. It's why you were sent here right?" Magnus asks.

Alec looked away and just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know Magnus. He didn't want Magnus to be like everyone else and think that this was some phase he was going through. That there was no reason behind it and he was just doing it to get attention. It's what everyone else thought. Everyone but his siblings.

"It's alright darling. We won't talk about anything today. I know how being in a new environment is awfully scary and nerve wracking. But I want you to know that this office right here is a complete safe place. Whatever we talk about is completely private."

Alec just gave another short nod. 

"How are you feeling right now Alexander?" Magnus asks.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about anything today." Alec mumbled. 

Magnus sighed and shook his head. "We aren't. But I just thought it would be good to ask. Sometimes it feels better to get it off of your chest then to hold everything in. Well we're almost done here anyways. But one last thing. Is there anything we need to know about? Like about sleeping or eating?"

"I uh...I have problems sleeping at night. Sometimes it's just I can't fall asleep and other times it's because of..." Alec drifted off as he bit his lip and looked away. 

"Nightmares?" Magnus asked gently.

Alec closed his eyes and nodded.

"Hey, it's okay. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing Alexander. I will talk to Cat so we can get you something to help you sleep alright?"

"Okay." Alec whispered.

Magnus smiled and nodded. "Well Alexander, it was such a pleasure to meet you. Our next appointment is tomorrow. I will see you there alright?" 

"Fine." Alec replied as he got up. 

Magnus got up as well and walked Alec to the door. When he opened it they saw Simon waiting on the other side smiling at them. Magnus said good bye and Alec just nodded as he walked out and him and Simon left together. Alec had no idea how to feel about it and he really didn't want to go back. Not because of Magnus but because he didn't want to talk about it. He hated talking about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter. Ayee.
> 
> So I forgot when I said the incident happened so I'm just going to make it 6 months ago. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakesss.

The walk towards their room was silent. Alec knew that Simon wanted to say something to him the whole walk there but for some reason he didn't. Maybe it was because he saw how tired Alec was and saw that Alec didn't really feel like talking. Which was true. He really didn't want to talk about anything. When they finally got back to their room, Alec saw a letter on his bed. When he picked it up, he saw it was a message saying to meet Catarina in room 103 when ever he was done meeting with Magnus. Alec sighed once more. He had no idea where that was and didn't feel like looking for it so he turned to Simon who was sitting on his own bed.

"Uh do you think you can show me where room 103 is?" Alec asked quietly. 

Simon smiled and nodded. "Of course dude. I'm always happy to help!"

Alec really wanted to just lay down and get some rest. He was so tired. He hadn't had a good night sleep in a very long time due to nightmares. When they got to the room, Simon said he would wait outside for him because Lunch was going to be starting soon and he would show Alec the way to the cafeteria. Alec told him a quick thanks before heading on inside. When he stepped inside he realized it looked just like a doctors room. 

"Hello Alec." Catarina said sweetly.

"Hi." Alec replied.

Cat smiled and patted the examination chair. "Have a seat please."

Alec nodded and sat down. He had no idea what this was about so he looked down at his hands which were resting on his lap. Cat grabbed a notebook and sat down on a chair with wheels like the kind you find in offices, and wheeled it so she was now sitting in front of Alec.

"So you're here just for a check up." 

After checking Alec's eye sight and hearing, she had Alec stand on a scale. His weight was under for his age around twenty pounds which Cat was a little concerned about. After a few more things she had Alec sit back down.

"So we are going to need to do a weekly check in on your weight. Also I know that you have nightmares but I can't really give you anything for that yet. Once you talk to Magnus about it tomorrow I will sort something out for you to take okay sweetie?"

"I..I have to talk to him about my nightmares in order to get something to help me sleep?" Alec asked with a bit of anger and sadness.

"Oh not like that sweetheart. He won't ask you about what the nightmares are about or anything like that. Not yet anyways. He'll just ask you simple questions like how often you get them. Do you think you will be able to answer questions like that?"

"I can try."

"That's all I ask for. You were so good today Alec. You are good to go. I will see you later okay?"

Alec nodded and stood up. He said his good bye and then left the room. He bumped into Simon completely forgetting about Simon waiting for him. The two of them then started to head towards the cafeteria. 

"You okay?" Simon asked as they started to walk.

"Yes." Alec replied quietly. 

Once they got to the cafeteria they got their food which didn't look to awful and found a place to sit. A few minutes later and a red headed girl with a tray of her own came over to the table and sat down right next to Simon.

"Hey Simon. Who is this?" 

"Clary this is my new roommate and hopefully new friend Alec. He's new. Alec this is my best friend Clary." 

Clary smiled and held her hand out. Alec looked down at it and shrunk down a little. Clary's eyes widened before she withdrew her hand.

"It's nice to meet you Alec."

"You too. Sorry for uh...not shaking your hand. I wasn't trying to be mean it's just.."

"I get it. We all have our things Alec." Clary replied with a genuine smile. 

Alec smiled back and began to eat his food. It was mashed potatoes and chicken nuggets with a carton of chocolate milk. There were options to choose from and the chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes looked the most appeasing. The food wasn't that bad. When he looked up he saw Clary moving some peas on her plate with her fork. Looking at her tray, he realized she didn't have much food. However Alec wasn't going to question it because like Clary said, they all had their things.

"Clary you need to eat." Simon said.

"Drop it Simon. I'm not hungry."

Simon sighed and nodded. 

"So uh..what do we do after lunch?" Alec asked.

"We go to group therapy. It's not as bad as it sounds I promise. Basically all the therapists and all the patients separate into groups and into different rooms. I think you will be with us but I'll have to ask. We have Magnus, you already met him. He's pretty cool." 

Alec nodded and didn't say anything else. He suddenly lost his appetite. He didn't want to go to group therapy. He didn't want people to watch him. Alec also hated being in a place surrounded with people. Being in a crowded place was how it all started in the first place. But he had to go because it was on his schedule. 

"Hey, don't worry. It will be okay Alec. I promise. It's scary at first but you will learn to love it. Everyone is so accepting and no one will judge you." Clary said knowing how nervous and scared Alec was. 

Alec just shrugged his shoulders and pushed his tray away from him. The three then sat in silence and when it was finally time to go, they got up, carried their trays to the trash, and then headed towards group therapy. Once they stopped walking, Alec noticed they were in front of a purple door. When Simon opened it, Alec heard music playing and when he looked inside he saw a about eight people inside laughing and a few dancing. 

Alec couldn't breathe. His chest was feeling tight and he was starting to feel dizzy. Right when he walked into the room, it felt just like it did that night.

*Flashback from 6 months ago*

"Come on Alec. It will be fun. Please?" Isabelle asked.

Alec groaned. "What is this party for anyways?" 

"Emily and her family just moved into a new house. Her parents are gone on a meeting and Emily and her older sister decided to throw a house warming party." 

Alec rose an eyebrow. "A house warming party."

"Okay well it's not really a house warming party but still. Come on Alec. You're in highschool. High schoolers go to parties." 

Alec sighed. "Well I don't. You know I don't like parties Iz." 

Just then Jace walked into Alec's room and jumped on his bed. "Look Alec, just come for an hour or two and if you want to leave then we will leave okay? Besides you know that if we leave with out you, you're going to be worrying about us anyways so why not just go so you can keep an eye on us?" 

"Oh my god. I hate when you two gain up on me. Fine but only for an hour and I'm only going so I can keep you two out of trouble. Mother and Father would kill me if something happened to you two." 

Isabelle squealed and hugged her brother. Jace grinned and patted him on the back. Alec made sure he was the one driving and had Isabelle tell him where to go. Once they got there, Alec parked down the street because the road was filled with parked cars. They walked until they saw the giant house with music blaring from inside. The front door was wide open and as they got inside they could hear the music way better and saw so many people either talking, siting, making out, or dancing. Alec already hated it. Little did he know that that was just the beginning to the worst night of his life. 

*End of flashback*

Alec hadn't even noticed his body was shaking or that he had tumbled and fell to the ground. When he saw people in the room rush over and felt hands all over him, he squeezed his eyes shut and felt tears roll down his face. He kept on shaking his head and muttering no and stop but no one seemed to notice. They were all too concerned about him falling.   
Simon and Clary were trying to get them to back up and to stop touching him but that didn't help either. What did help was a whistle being blown.

"Back up right now." Magnus said sternly. 

The kids in the room all backed up. Magnus then ran towards Alec and crouched down in front of the shaking boy who was now having a panic attack.

"Alexander darling. You're okay sweetheart. You're alright. I need you to open your eyes. Can you do that. Can you open those beautiful eyes?" 

Alec knew it was Magnus talking to him. He could hear the words barely but he did hear them. He squeezed his eyes shut once more before opening them. Magnus smiled and nodded at Alec.

"Good. So good Alexander. I need you to breathe now. Follow my breathing darling." 

A few minutes later and Alec's breathing was back to normal. His chest felt lighter and he could finally breathe. However that didn't stop the tears rolling down his face or the feeling of him wanting to scrub at his skin until it fell off. He quickly sat up and scooted back until his back hit the wall. He then wrapped his arms around his knees.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Alec whispered.

Magnus moved further and sat down in front of Alec. He kept his distance however not wanting to touch Alec.

"Hey, it's okay. I promise you, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay darling. What happened sweetheart?" Magnus whispered.

Alec looked up and saw that everyone was looking at him. Magnus looked behind him and told the kids to start setting up. The kids nodded all knowing that Magnus wanted to talk to Alec in private and they headed back into the room to set up. 

"You don't have to tell me. I understand."

Alec shook his head. "I..I had a flash back. The music and the others dancing. It... it caused me to have a flash back of that night." 

"What happened that night?" Magnus whispered.

Alec shook his head. "no..please don't make me talk about it. Please. I don't want to. Please please please." 

Magnus's heart broke. "Hey hey. You don't have to talk about it darling. Not until your ready, if ever okay? You're safe here. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I promise you." 

Alec nodded. "I'm sorry for interrupting and causing a scene." 

"No Alexander. I told you. You have nothing to be sorry for. And you didn't interrupt anything. The other kids just like to play music and relax before we get started. You didn't interrupt or cause a scene okay?"

"Okay." 

Magnus smiled. "Good. Are you okay? Do you want to go back to your room a rest? I know panic attacks cause a lot out of people. It's okay if you do."

Alec shook his head. "No. I... I want to be here. If i'm supposed to be here. Simon said he would ask someone where I'm supposed to be." 

"Well Alexander, I'm glad you want to stay. I'm also glad that you are supposed to be in my group. Are you alright to stand up?"

Alec nodded. "I think so." 

After a few seconds Alec pushed himself up. Magnus stood up as well. When Alec looked behind Magnus, he saw there was now a circle of chairs and the kids were now starting to sit down. Magnus nodded at Alec and walked over towards the group and Alec followed. He saw Simon wave him over and Alec was grateful that he wouldn't be sitting by complete strangers. There was a chair between Clary and Simon. He smiled at them both before sitting down.

"Alright. I think it's time to begin."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter is here. Woo.  
> Thank you so much for reading you guys.  
> And just letting everyone know that I read all of your comments and I appreciate every single one.

The chairs were situated so that they were in a circle. Alec was sitting in between Clary and Simon and Magnus was sitting across from him. There were about ten other kids in the room that Alec had never seen before. When he looked around he saw most of them were looking at him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and dropped his head so he was now looking at his hands in his lap. When he heard a throat being cleared he looked up to see the kids look away from him and towards Magnus.

"Hey guys. It's good to see you all again. Well together anyways since I see you all once a day. I hope you all got something out of our last session together. As you can see, we have a new person here with us today. His name is Alexander but he likes to go by Alec except i'm the lucky one who get's to call him Alexander. I want you all to make him feel welcomed alright? Now we all know how this works but since Alec is new i'm going to explain what we do here. Whatever we say in this room stays in this room. I want you all to feel safe in here and that is the main goal. 

Now Alexander, in this room, we talk about whatever you guys want to talk about. How your progress is going. If you are feeling better or worse today. Sometimes it's better to talk about things with a bunch of people your age. However you don't have to speak if you don't want to but I encourage it. It's good to talk about how you're feeling. You'll get a better view on how things work here once we start. Which we should do now. So does anyone want to start?"

When Alec looked around he saw a few kids raise their hands including Simon. 

"Simon, why don't you start out today." Magnus said softly.

"So the past few days have been good. The voices have been quieter and not as much. I think it has to do with the new medication I've been given. They're not all the way gone, I can still hear my sisters voice from time to time but other than that it's been pretty quiet. But it sucks because sometimes I miss hearing her voice. Hearing my moms voice you know? And I know that sounds crazy because I shouldn't be able to hear my dead sisters and moms voice in my head constantly but it's sometimes nice to hear it. Is it stupid that I want to hear their voices?"

"I don't think it's stupid." A blonde girl who sat three chairs away from Simon said. "You lost two people you love at such a young age. I get it. Wanting to hear their voices is like wanting to keep their memories alive in a way."

Simon nodded but then frowned. "I guess. But I would rather not hear them at all because how can I move on? It sucks when I hear their voices and sometimes I can actually see them in front of me too. I can't move on when I see and hear them everyday."

"Simon, it takes time. This new medicine is helping you correct?" Magnus asked.

Simon nodded.

"That's good. But Simon you need to understand, things like this don't go away in an instant. I know it's hard. But you have to know that you're getting better. You're doing such an amazing job Simon. One day you will be able to have that moment when you can move on. You will be okay again. I promise." Magnus replied.

Simon nodded once more. "Thank you. I needed to hear that."

"Of course. Who is next?" Magnus asked.

When Alec looked around again he saw the blonde girls hand shoot up.

"Go ahead Lydia."

"They said i'm going to be able to go home in a week. I haven't harmed my self in over two years and I haven't thought about doing it for ten months now. It's amazing. I feel so much lighter and my head is so much clearer. I understand now that hurting myself was not the way to do things. i was scared and I was so sad and that's why I used to cut my self or sometimes worse. But being here has helped me so much and it's all thanks to every single one of you guys." 

Everyone but Alec clapped. He didn't know Lydia and it didn't feel right to do so. He dropped his head once more and looked at his hands. 

"I'm so proud of you Lydia. You have came a long way. Our next meeting we will be having a good bye party for you. You are very strong Lydia. Don't forget it." 

"Thank you Magnus. I'm also so glad that I've made so many friends in here."

Simon looked at Lydia and grinned. "I'm glad we became friends Lyds."

"Okay. Is there someone else who wants to get something off their chest?" Magnus asked the room.

When Alec lifted his head, he saw no one raising their hands this time. He looked at Simon and then at Lydia and hearing what they had to say made Alec become a little bit braver. He slowly rose his hand and noticed that everyone turned their heads to look at him. Magnus smiled at Alec and nodded his head.

"How do you get someone to believe you?" Alec whispered.

"Who do you want to believe you?" A boy asked who was sitting by Magnus.

Alec dropped his head. He didn't want to look at anyone. "Never mind. I...forget I said anything. Please." 

When Magnus looked at Alec, he could tell that the boy was now crying. His head was still bowed down but noticed the boys shoulder's shake, he knew that he had to talk to Alec privately. He looked at the other kids and saw they were all looking at Alec and Magnus hated that. He didn't want the others to look at Alec because he knew that they were all judging him. They always judged the new kids who came in. 

"Alright, I think it's time to call it a day. You all were amazing today and thank you for sharing and participating. You all can head to where you're supposed to be now. Alexander, please stay for a minute."

Alec nodded his head and stayed in his seat. Once everyone left, Magnus closed the door and sat down in the seat next to Alec.

"Alexander, darling..shhh. It's alright." Magnus soothed as Alec wiped his eyes from the tears.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut and moved his hands to grip his hair. "I hate this. I hate being so weak. I hate them for doing this to me. I hate that I can't even let people touch me without freaking out. What's wrong with me?" 

"Nothing is wrong with you. I don't know what happened but Alexander, it's not your fault. Do you want to talk about that night?"

Alec shook his head. "Not right now. But...I think tomorrow during our session....I will. I need to get it out. But i'm scared..."

"What are you scared of sweetheart?" Magnus whispered.

"That you won't believe me. That you'll laugh at me. Everyone else did." 

"Alexander listen to me and listen good. I won't laugh at you. Ever. And whatever happened...I will believe you. You don't seem like the type of person who would lie about something so awful. No one is that good of a liar Alexander. Seeing you have a panic attack about people touching you...no one can fake that. Of course I'll believe you."

Alec opened his eyes and let go of his hair. "You say that Magnus..but how do I know you're telling the truth?" 

"You can't. You just have to trust me."

"I'm tired." Alec said quietly.

"Okay. How about I walk you to your room and you can go to bed. Does that sound good?"

"I....okay." Alec replied as he stood up. 

"What wrong? Do you not want to go to sleep?" Magnus asked as they walked towards the door.

"I do. God I do. I'm so so so exhausted. But I'm scared to sleep because i'll probably get another nightmare."

"I know darling. I know. But just try okay? And trust me. Tomorrow we will work everything out. i'll find you something that will help with your nightmares okay? I promise." 

"Thank you Magnus." 

"You're very welcome Alexander."  
\---------------------  
The next few hours were a blurr. Alec only slept for a few hours before waking up shaking from a nightmares. It was more like a flashback then anything. He then went to dinner and sat with Clary and Simon but he didn't even talk. Simon and Clary both understood and they didn't pressure him. When dinner was done he went back to his room and slept some more. It was the next morning when he woke up sweating and shaking once more from another nightmare. His throat felt raw and he knew that he screamed himself awake.

Simon asked if he was alright and Alec felt bad because he knew he woke Simon up. 

"Sorry." Alec whispered.

Simon shook his head. "Nah. It's alright. Really. It's cool."

Alec gave a weak smile before getting out of bed and taking a shower. An hour flew by and it was time for Alec's appointment with Magnus. He was nervous. Boy was he nervous. He really didn't want to talk about it but he knew if there was any chance, any chance at all of getting better, he would have to talk about it and just hope that Magnus would believe him and not laugh at him. When he got to the door he took a deep breath in and out and knocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep so I've decided to write a new chapter.
> 
> Warning: Mentions of past non con in this chapter. Nothing too graphic don't worry.

Instead of hearing the usual come in from Magnus, the door swung open and Magnus was standing on the other side of the door. When Magnus looked at Alec, he couldn't help but to think how beautiful the boy was. Alec was gorgeous in every way possible. However he was looking very pale and very tired and Magnus knew he was nervous about their session today. 

"Come on in darling." Magnus said moving to the side so Alec could walk by. 

Alec didn't say a word. Instead he nodded and walked past Magnus and into the room. He noticed that there were blankets and pillows propped up against the corner of the wall and the desk was moved out of the way. Magnus shut the door behind them and locked it. He then walked over to the pillows and blankets and sat down and patted the space next to him. Alec was confused but sat down next to Magnus anyways. 

"I thought we would be more comfortable this way. I do this when some of the others need to talk about something very important and this helps them feel more calm and safe. I figured it would help you too. But Alexander I want you to know that you don't have to talk about it yet. This is only your second day here darling. You don't need to rush into it."

Alec shook his head and leaned back against the pillows and the wall. "I need to talk about it. It's...it's eating me up inside and even though I really really really don't want to talk about it, I have too. My sister always said that talking about it makes the weight on your chest feel lighter but I'm not so sure this time." 

"Your sister is right. However it doesn't work all the time. Is what you need to talk about have to deal with the fact you don't like to be touched?" Magnus asked.

"Yes." Alec whispered.

"Okay. Would you like some water before we start?" Magnus asked softly. 

"No I just want to get this over with. Promise me you won't laugh at me. Please Magnus. You have to promise me." 

"I promise you Alexander, I won't laugh at you. Never when it comes to something serious darling." 

Alec nodded. He took a deep breath in and out, pulled his knees up against his chest, pulled one of the blankets over him, and began to speak.

"It happened six months ago. There's this girl in my grade who's name is Emily. She's had a crush on me ever since Freshman year. She would always try to flirt with me and ask me to go hang out with her. I always tried to decline and let her down easy because I didn't like her like that. When I came out as gay halfway through freshman year I thought she would drop it. But she never did. She would always say how it's a phase and that someone that looks like me could never be gay. She still continued to flirt with me but over the next few years it got less and less. 

This summer I guess her and her family moved into a new house and when school started back up Emily and her older sister decided to throw a house warming party since their parents were away. My siblings got invited to it and they wanted me to go as well. I hate parties and anything that has to do with large crowds. Always have. But somehow they convinced me to go. 

When we got to the house, it was all ready crowded. When we got inside, I hung out with my siblings for a while because I didn't know any one else. When they wanted to go dance and talk to their friends I told them that I would be fine and that they should go. A few minutes after convincing them that I would be fine by myself they left to go find their friends. I found an empty corner and so I went over to it and watched my siblings have fun. 

I'm the responsible one. Always have been. So it was my job to keep them safe and to make sure they didn't do anything stupid. As I was looking out for them I saw Emily approach me with two drinks in her hands. She said a simple hi and I said hi back. She then offered me one of the drinks and for some stupid reason I accepted it. I drank it all of course because I was a dumb teenager. She then offered me the second drink and I drank that one as well. Her sister then came over and introduced herself to me. She was a college student and said that she was 25 years old and their parents asked to stay with Emily while they were away. We talked and nothing seemed weird about it. In fact Emily and her sister were acting really nice and Emily never flirted with me once. I never got her sister's real name, Emily only called her C.

A few minutes later I was starting to feel dizzy and sick and tired. When I told Emily I didn't feel to well, Emily and her sister said that they would help take me to the bathroom. However when we got to a door and they opened it, It wasn't a bathroom at all. It was Emily's bedroom. I started to ask why they were taking me there but they kept on saying that it was okay and that I will start to feel good soon. Something felt off. When I tried to turn around and leave, Emily and her sister both pushed me down on the bed. I tried to get back up but her sister was holding me down and I was just so damn weak and tired. I tried to get up but I just...I couldn't. The next thing I know is that Emily is walking back with some rope and that I'm being tied to the bed."

Alec stopped. He needed to take a break. He already felt the tears stinging his eyes. He couldn't even bare to look at Magnus so he closed his eyes and brought his hands to his hair and tugged on it. It wasn't hard to harm himself but it was hard enough to keep him grounded.

"Oh Alexander..." Magnus whispered. "You don't have to continue if you don't want to darling. We can call it a day." 

"No it's okay. I want too. I need too. Just give me a minute please." Alec replied.

Magnus nodded and waited for Alec to continue.

"When I felt Emily tug my pants and boxers down, I kept saying no and stop over and over again. But C was now whispering in my ear how it will be okay and that I will love it and how it's what I want. Then suddenly Emily is forcing her self on me. When she was done...her sister had a turn and they kept on taking turns. The took breaks in between but after the second time of them each taking a turn... I.. I was just so fucking tired from those fucking drugs that I slowly fell unconscious. I don't know how many times they...they did it but when I woke up, my wrists were untied and Emily and C were both asleep next to me. My head hurt so fucking bad but I knew I couldn't stay there. So I got off the bed and pulled on my pants and ran out of that house. 

When I got home my mom, dad, sister, and brother were all asking me where I was at. They just kept on asking and that's when I broke down. I fell to the ground on my knees and sobbed. Isabelle and Jace ran towards me and wrapped me into a hug. But when they did I flinched so hard that I accidentally hit Jace in the face. I kept telling him how sorry I was and he forgave me every time. When they asked me what happened, I couldn't hold it in any more. I told them that Emily and her sisrter...r...raped me. My sister and Jace just hugged me tighter but my mom and dad....they laughed. They laughed so hard.

They said that boys can't get raped. That I was just joking around because it's not possible for a boy to be raped. My dad smiled and congratulated me on loosing my virginity. How messed up is that? When he went to pat me on the shoulder I flinched hard once more. Isabelle and Jace both yelled at my parents telling them that they were wrong and that they were laughing at their son who was hurt. 

I even told a teacher the next week because I didn't know what else to do. I wanted an adult to help me but she said the same thing. Boys can't be raped because they want it. They will always want it. I hate them Magnus. I fucking hate them for not believing me." 

Alec then began to sob. He curled into a ball and began to bawl his eyes out. Magnus was furious. He was so angry at Alec's parents and at that teacher. He was so angry at Emily and her sister. Without even thinking he pulled Alec into him and wrapped his arms around him.

When Alec flinched harshly Magnus was about to let go but didn't when Alec told him it was okay. For some reason, Alec trusted Magnus. He felt safe with Magnus just like he did with his siblings. They sat there in silence and ten minutes passed Magnus felt Alec become much more calm. When he looked down he saw Alec was fast asleep. Magnus sighed and reached for his phone. He then went through his contacts and called Cat.

"Magnus? What's up?" Cat asked.

"Hey, I'm with Alexander right now and he just told me what happened to him. It's bad Cat. It's really bad. I was hoping you could cancel all of my appointments. If anyone really needs to talk then have them schedule with Jem. I know he has his own appointments but he will understand."

"Oh no. Is he okay? And of course I'll get right to it when we're done talking."

"He's....I don't know. When he wakes up we will talk some more. He cried himself to sleep."

"Oh god. I can't imagine what had happened to that poor boy. If you need anything you call me right away Magnus." Cat said.

"I will. Thank you cat."

"Of course. Take care of him." 

When they hung up Magnus sighed and began to thread his fingers through Alec's hair. His heart was breaking for Alec and he was going to do something about this. He was going to have a talk with Alec's parents and find a way for Emily and her sister to pay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go down hill for Alec.   
> Magnus realizes he makes a huge mistakes after finding something he wish he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are always great (:  
> Just letting you all know that I added another tag so you should check that out.   
> Heres a new chapter.  
> Sorry for any mistakes.

It was twenty minutes later after Magnus had hung up the phone when Alec woke up. When he felt Alec flinch and back away from Magnus's hand that was in his hair a few seconds ago, Magnus's eyes widened. He didn't realize he was doing what he was doing until Alec flinched away from him. It just felt right to Magnus. He wanted to comfort the boy. He wanted to hold him and protect him from the cruel world out there. But he couldn't. One thing Magnus knew though was that he was going to help Alec out of this. He was going to make Alec comfortable with touching again. He was going to help Alec move on. Sure that memory would always be with him but he needed Alec to know that things will get better.

"I'm so sorry Alexander..I..." 

Before Magnus could say anything else, Alec held up a hand. "It's okay. I just...I just didn't know who was touching me. It's fine Magnus. Really. I'm uh..sorry I feel asleep."

"Hey, you don't have to apologize. I know you haven't been sleeping well and it's okay. Really it is. Which leads me to this question. Do you want to go back to your room and rest or would you like to talk some more? It's alright if you want to stay, I cleared out my schedule and everyone who needs to know, knows that you're with me. It's up to you Alexander." 

Alec sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the pillowed walls. "I would still like to talk...I kind of don't want to be alone right now. If that's okay with you?"

"Of course Alexander. I already said it was darling." Magnus replied gently.

Alec nodded and they sat there for a while in silence. Alec looked down at his lap and decided to ask the question he had been wanting to know the answer to ever since he told Magnus about what had happened to him that night.

"Do you believe me? Because if you don't...then I don't know why I'm even here. I...I don't know what to do anymore." Alec whispered.

Magnus felt like crying. How many people have told him he was a liar. How many times has Alec tried to make people understand, to make them believe, just so he wouldn't feel alone anymore. It broke his heart. Hearing Alec's story, he knew that Alec wouldn't lie about that. No one could fake that much emotion.

"I believe you, God Alec, I wish you didn't have to go through that. I don't understand how people can hear your story and not believe you." 

Alec looked up and Magnus saw tears in his eyes. "Really? You're not just saying that?"

"Sweetheart, of course not. I know you wouldn't lie about something like that. And to those people who are telling you that boys can't be raped? Well they're wrong. Boys can be victims too, not just girls. It's not right Alexander and they should all know better." 

"Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea what that means to me." Alec whispered. 

"You're going to get passed this Alexander. I promise you. We will work on this together. You're not alone anymore. Never again."

Alec sighed. "I never really was alone. I mean my siblings, they believed me. But they couldn't do anything about it you know? But after a while it just got to hard for them. They started to pretend like nothing had happened and I understand that. It was easier to not talk about it then to talk about it. I know that they feel awful about it but...I don't know." 

"I'm glad you had your siblings. Don't get me wrong, that's amazing that they believed you. But darling, they should of not acted like it wasn't an issue after a while. Sometimes the easier choice isn't the right choice."

"I know." Alec whispered.

"How about we change the subject for a minute. Tell me about your siblings. You obviously love them."

Alec smiled and when he did, it made Magnus's chest flutter. He loved that smile. He's going to do anything in his power to make sure Alec smiles more often.

"I have three...well had three. Max was seven when he died of cancer. He was smart, and brave, and everyone though he was my mini me. Everyone would say that I looked exactly like him when I was his age except he had glasses. He was funny and caring. When he died, it was one of the worst nights of my life. It was a few days after he had his third chemo therapy that he died in the hospital. Luckily I was there to say good bye. I miss him...a lot. But I know he's in a better place now.

And then there's Isabelle. She's my best friend. She's very smart but sometimes she doesn't show it. She's also beautiful and strong and very outgoing. She's always there for me. No matter what. She's the type of person who will be the friendliest and most lovable person but once you mess with her or someone she loves, she turns scary. Honestly terrifying." Alec said with a laugh. "But it's what makes her so amazing. She's going to go far one day. She wants to start her own Salon and I know she will be able to do it."

"And lastly there is Jace. He's adopted but he's still my brother. He's also my best friend. We do everything together. He always knows when something is wrong with me and he is always there for me as well. Same with me. I'm always there for him and Isabelle. Jace is a complete opposite from me. He's outgoing and loud and confident and i'm..well i'm not. I'm the responsible one. However he always manages to drag me to places and he always gets us in trouble. But I'm the one who gets us out of it. He helps me out of my bubble sometimes and I'm grateful for that. 

One day in sixth grade, there was a kid bullying me. He was in 8th grade and he constantly beat me up and stole my lunch money. One day Jace found out about it and when he saw the kid cornering me, he ran up to him and socked him right in the nose. It was pretty great but not the best idea. But I was thankful for that as well.

Growing up, I always had to be the responsible one. I always had to take care of my siblings. I never..I never really had a child hood. My parents were always working late or they were out of town for confreres and work. I always had to be the one to take care of them and to watch over them. I didn't mind though because they're my siblings and I love them. I would do anything for them."

When he was done, he couldn't help but to smile. His siblings meant the world to him and he loved to talk about them. When he looked up at Magnus, he saw that he was smiling right at Alec causing Alec to blush and look down. 

"They sound amazing Alexander. You're really an amazing brother as well."

Before Alec could say anything else, there was a knock on the door and then it swung open.

"Hey baby, I thought I would stop by and say hi."

Magnus grinned and stood up and walked over. "Camille! You didn't have too. We were going to meet each other for dinner tonight."

When Alec looked to his left to see who it was, he felt as if his lungs were being crushed. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see straight. His mind was becoming fuzzy and he was starting to feel light headed. He quickly scrambled to the corner of the room and curled up into a ball. It was her. It was Emily's sister. 

Magnus who had just hugged Camille noticed Alec and immediately unwrapped himself from Camille and ran over. He crouched down in front of Alec who now had his eyes shut. Magnus knew that Alec was now having a panic attack.

"Alexander, hey, look at me darling. Open your eyes for me. I'm right here. Just look at me. Can you do that sweetheart?" 

Alec shook his head. If he opened his eyes he would see Camille and that was a problem for him.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to look at me. But I need you to breathe for me. Please Alexander. Can you concentrate on your breathing for me? I'll count and on every odd number you focus on breathing in and on every even number focus on breathing out. Okay darling?"

Alec nodded his head.

"Good. Very good. 1....2....3... there you go....4....5...6...very good, just a few more...7...8...9...10..."

When Alec's breathing got back to normal, Alec slowly opened his eyes as he forgot why he was even having a panic attack. But when he did, it was a big mistake. Standing behind Magnus now was Camille and she was looking right at him. She licked her lips and smirked as she ran her eyes up and down Alec's body. 

"No. no. no. You can't be here...no. Please..." Alec whimpered as he looked at Camille.

Magnus furrowed his brows and saw that Alec was looking at his girl friend. He quickly stood up and grabbed Camille's arm pulling her outside.   
"Ill be right back Alexander. I promise." 

Magnus closed the door and turned to Camille. "What the hell was that about?"

"I don't know. I swear Maggie. I don't know." Camille replied.

To Magnus it looked like she was going to cry, but in reality she was only faking.

"Okay. Okay. Just stay here for a minute okay sweetie?"

"Of course Maggie." Camille replied as she kissed his cheek. 

Magnus could feel the sticky lipstick on his cheek but he didn't have time to wipe it off. He walked into the room and closed the door behind him once more. He walked over to Alec who was now standing up and pacing back and forth. He was pulling his hair with both hands and it looked painful.

"Alexander, talk to me. What happened darling?" 

Alec stopped walking and looked at Magnus. "It's her. She's....it's C. She's Emily's sister. Magnus it's her!"

Magnus shook his head. "Camille doesn't have a sister sweetheart. Are you sure she just doesn't look like C?" 

Alec froze. Magnus was doubting him. Just like everyone else. "No it's her Magnus. Please believe me. You said you would believe me." 

"I'm sorry but Camille would never hurt a fly Alexander. I think that having an older girl presence made you have a panic attack. It's okay. It happens."

"no. no. no. It's her Magnus. Please...please believe me." Alec replied as tears ran down his face.

"Alexander...I..."

Alec shook his head. Magnus didn't believe him. He lied. He lied to Alec. He was just like the rest of them.

"I'm tired. Can I go to my room?"

Magnus sighed. "Of course darling. I'll have someone stop by and check on you later."

Alec nodded and stormed out of the room. He ran right past Camille and ran all the way into his room. Once he got there he was glad that Simon was gone. He climbed into his bed and sobbed his eyes out. His throat was raw and he started to hiccup from his sobbing. He closed his eyes and began to think. Think about how no one would ever believe him besides his siblings and even then they couldn't do anything about it. He started to think that he was always going to be alone and that the people who he needed to understand would never believe him. 

When he opened his eyes he came to a conclusion. He was done. He was done feeling this way. He was done not having people believe him. He was just done. So he started to think about ways to end it all. When he came up with a perfect plan, he smiled to himself and closed his eyes. He was going to get some sleep before he put his plan into motion. Just one more time to get some rest before everything went down.

\-------  
Magnus didn't want to believe it. Camille would never hurt anyone. Magnus however was just to blinded by love to see what was really going on with Camille. He didn't see the manipulative side of Camille. He didn't see how cruel she could be. He only saw what Camille wanted him to see. After he found Camille, he told her that since he had no more clients and he needed to clear his head, Camille decided to skip dinner and just go back to her place to relax. 

Once they got there, they ordered take out and headed into Camille's bedroom to watch a movie. Halfway through the movie they began to make out. When they broke apart Camille smiled and told Magnus she was just going to freshen up before they continued. So when she left to go to the bathroom, Magnus felt off about something. 

For one, he usually always was down to have sex with Camille. But tonight? He wasn't up for it. Another thing was something was off about the way Camille was acting when Magnus had asked her about Alec. Magnus carefully got out of bed and started to walk around her room. When he stopped by her computer desk, he saw a thumb drive with tape on it and written on that tape was a date. It was the date of the party that Alec had told him about. Magnus quickly placed it into his pocket and knocked on the bathroom door. 

"I have to go sweetie. Work called me and it's important. I'm sorry. I'll call you later." Magnus said with fake guilt.

Before Camille could open the door or reply, Magnus ran out of the house and into his car. He drove all the way to his own loft and when he got to his computer he plugged in the thumb drive. When he saw a video pop up, he clicked play and what he saw made him feel angry and most of all Guilt. 

When he hit play, he saw a bedroom he had never seen before. It wasn't in Camille's apartment that was for sure. As he continued to watch, he saw Emily and Camille both practically dragging Alec into the room. He saw them push him onto the bed and when he saw them start to tie his limbs to the bed and start to take off his clothes he froze. However what made him slam his laptop shut was when he heard Alec's broken and slurred voice. Alec kept on saying no and stop and that's when Magnus turned it all off.

Magnus grabbed the thumb drive and grabbed his keys once more. He had to get back to Alec. He had to tell Alec he was so sorry. Alec trusted Magnus. Alec was finally smiling and laughing but Magnus just tore him down. He knew Alec was going to be in a bad place and he had to fix what he had done. He just wasn't expecting the chaos that was happening right as he stepped foot into the institute. When he saw Cat running towards him, he knew right then and there that something was wrong with Alec and it was all his fault.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so so much for reading and for your comments. I read every single one.  
> Sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> WARNING: Suicide attempt. It happens right in the beginning of this chapter.

Cat was running towards him with a frantic look on her face. But instead of letting Cat tell him what's going on, he ran passed her and straight towards Alec's room. He knew, he just knew this was about Alec and that something was terribly wrong. When he got to the hallway he saw Alec's door was wide open. He ran faster. Finally getting there, what he saw made him freeze. Alec was standing on a chair with tears rolling down his face. 

In front of him was a sheet that was stripped from his bed and was tied to the ceiling fan above. The end of the sheet was wrapped around Alec's neck. Simon was standing in front of him along with Jem. Cat had ran back into the room and was standing right next to Magnus with her own tears running down her face. Magnus felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. Alec was going to hang himself and it was all his fault. He didn't believe Alec and now...now he had pushed Alec over the edge.

"Alec, please don't do this. You have so much to live for." Simon pleaded.

Alec shook his head as he cried harder. "You don't get it! None of you do! I've tried. I've tried so fucking hard to be strong but I can't do it anymore. No one believes me. No one! They're all fucking liars! I've tried to get help. I have. No one will listen! No one will help me! I can't keep living like this!"

"Alec, please just take the sheet off of your neck and we can talk about this. I know it's hard. I know. But this isn't the answer." Jem said softly.

Alec shook his head once more. "NO! I'm done talking. All I do is talk about it and it does nothing! NOTHING!" 

Magnus closed his eyes and took a deep breath in and out. He then opened it and walked over so he was now standing in front of Alec. Alec now had his eyes squeezed shut and he was shaking. His hands were wrapped around the sheet around his neck and he was looking paler then ever before. It didn't just break Magnus's heart, it shattered it.

"Alexander sweetheart. Look at me."

Alec's eyes snapped open. "Magnus. Why? Why didn't you believe me? I trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!"

Cat who had been watching the whole thing walked up to Magnus and leaned in to whisper into his ear. "Keep him talking. Distract him. I have a way to get him down." 

Magnus nodded. He trusted Cat and he knew what ever she was going to do was for the best. She then saw her walk over to Jem and whisper something in his ear. Jem nodded and ran out of the room. 

"Oh sweetheart...I know. And I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry Alexander. I broke your trust. I hate myself for it. But I believe you now Alexander. I do. I was so blinded by love and wanting her to love me that I couldn't see the truth."

"You're lying. You don't believe me. You didn't then so why do you now? Stop playing games Magnus. That's all you fucking do!" Alec replied with a shaky voice.

Magnus felt tears roll down his own face. He looked away for a minute to wipe his face and when he looked back he saw Jem enter the room and hand something to Cat. Cat nodded at Magnus and then at Jem. He saw both Jem and Cat walk behind Alec slowly. Magnus had to distract Alec from seeing what Cat and Jem were up too.

"I realized Camille was acting strange. When I was at her house I found something Alec. I found proof of what she did to you. And I'm sorry that it took that for me to believe you. I am so fucking sorry Alexander. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this. It's my fault and i'm sorry."

"It's not just you though Magnus. It's everyone. Everyone I trusted who would help me didn't. I just wanted help. I just wanted someone to help me. I can't keep doing this by myself. I hate that I flinch every time someone touches me. I hate that every night I have the same nightmare over and over again. I think it would be so much better if I wasn't around anymore. You wouldn't have to deal with me anymore Magnus. I'm a waste of space. I'm worthless. Thank you for everything you've done Magnus. 

Since I won't be around anymore I think it's only fair to tell you something. I like you Magnus. You helped me and shown that you've cared for me and no one has ever done that for me before. You're gorgeous Magnus and amazing and so kind. I know you probably would never feel the same way but that's okay. I know it's wrong and you probably think it's disgusting but I do. And I'm sorry. Honestly thank you so much. But I have to do this. I have too. If the one person who I thought I could trust didn't believe me, then no one will. 

I can't keep living anymore Magnus. I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. But thank you. Thank you for being there for me even if you were lying. Tell my siblings I love them and that I'm sorry okay?"

Magnus saw Alec close his eyes and saw Alec about to take a step off of the chair. He was about to run over when Cat climbed onto the bed behind Alec's chair and inject a syringe into Alec's neck. With in seconds, Alec passed out and fell off the chair. Jem quickly grabbed him and held him up while Cat started to untie the sheet around Alec's neck. Magnus was now sobbing. He couldn't believe that this sweet angel had tried to kill himself. Magnus was ashamed. Ashamed of himself. 

Hearing that Alec liked him, it made Magnus realize that he liked Alec back. He was falling for Alec, for his smile, for his eyes, for his personality. Alec was everything Camille wasn't. Magnus realized that Camille was lying to him and that she was manipulative and he only wished he could of seen it sooner. He then promised that he would do everything in his power to make it up to Alec. He would care for Alec and be there for him no matter what. He would never doubt the gorgeous boy again.

"What's going to happen to him?" Magnus whispered.

Cat looked at him as Jem scooped Alec into his arms. "He's going to be staying in the blue room for a while. We will take care of him and make sure he's alright. He will be okay Magnus. I promise you. You can stay with him if you want too. I know how much he means to you."

"Yeah Magnus. I can take some of your appointments too. I'll have Tessa come by and help as well. She was supposed to start here next week but we need her and your her friend Magnus, she will be here. Don't worry. And Alec? He's strong. He might not think it right now but he is. He just needs people to care for him and to be there for him. He will be okay." 

Magnus nodded and asked Jem if he could carry Alec. Jem nodded and handed Alec over to him gently. He then followed Cat towards the blue room.The blue room was a room where they kept the kids who tried to kill themselves. There was also a pink room, a purple room, and many other colored rooms. Each kid got their own room. Jem stayed behind. He had to make sure Simon was alright. Simon was the one who found Alec like that. He was the one who called Cat to come quickly. Simon was strong as well but Jem knew that Simon wasn't okay. Not after what had happened. 

Magnus walked over to the bed that was in the blue room and laid Alec down. He gently kissed Alec on the forehead. He knew that Alec didn't want to be touched but he had to do it. He wanted to let Alec know that he was safe and that Magnus wasn't going to hurt or let Alec down ever again. He gently pulled the covers over Alec and turned to look at Cat.

"How long will he be out?" Magnus asked. 

Cat sighed. "A few hours. At least five."

Magnus nodded and sat down in a chair. He then placed his head in his hands and began to cry. "It's my fault. It's all my fault."

Cat ran over and crouched down in front of Magnus. She then reached over and wrapped her arms around him. "Hey, shhh. Magnus look at me sweetie."

Magnus lifted his head and looked at Cat. 

"It's not your fault. Alec has had a very hard life. He thought that no one would ever believe him. That he would be alone forever because no one would understand. But you Magnus? You were there for him. He hasn't had that for a very long time. Magnus it's not your fault. I don't know what happened to him or what he wants people to believe but Magnus... it's not your fault." 

"He was raped." Magnus whispered. 

Cat closed her eyes. "God. I hoped it wasn't that but somehow I knew."

"I shouldn't tell you this because it's confidential but...you need to know. He went to a party six months ago. There was this girl named Emily who was obsessed with him. That night Emily and her older sister drugged him. They took turns raping him Cat...and Emily's sister...it's Camille. He told his mom and teachers about it but they said that boys couldn't be raped and they basically laughed at him. How cruel is that Cat?"

"What! She's his mom! How could she do such a thing? And the teacher? Teachers are supposed to listen to their students. To be there for them. And I thought Camille doesn't have a sister." Cat said with wide eyes.

"That's what I thought but I found something in her house. She had a thumb drive with a video on it. It was that night...I watched about fifteen seconds of it before I slammed my computer shut. It was awful Cat."

"Oh my god. That poor boy. I'm going to kill them Magnus. Especially Camille. She's fucking twenty give for gods sake and he's only seventeen. You have to go to the police Magnus. You have to show them that video." 

Magnus nodded. "I know. I have a plan Cat. Don't worry. But I can't leave....not when Alec blames me. Not when I blame myself." 

"Magnus Bane. You're my best friend. You have been there for me every time I needed you and now it's my turn. Sure you didn't believe Alec about it being Camille. But Magnus? You thought you were in love with her. She's manipulative, cruel, and a bitch. I know you feel guilty about this. But it's not your fault. It's his moms fault for not believing him, it's that teachers fault. Mostly it's Emily's and Camille's fault. 

And Magnus, you not believing him about Camille might of pushed him over the edge but not one did you laugh at him. Not one did you call him a liar about being raped. You believed him about that. Alec will forgive you. He will understand. I promise." 

Magnus nodded and hugged Cat once more. "Thank you. I should go. Alec needs justice for this and that's what I'm going to go do now. Please call me if when he wakes up if i'm not back okay?"

Cat nodded and kissed his cheek. "Of course Magnus. Now go. Alec will be here when you come back."

Magnus nodded and got up. He walked back over to Alec and kissed him one more time on the forehead before walking out of the room. He left the institute and got into his car. Before driving he sent a quick text to his two good friends Raphael and Ragnor telling them it's an emergency and to meet him outside of Camille's apartment. He will explain when he gets there. When he got two texts back saying they will be there, he sighed with relief and began to drive towards Camille's apartment. She was going to pay for what she had done. Her and Emily and everyone else who hurt his sweet angel.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter.  
> Sorry for any writing mistakes.

Before Magnus got to the police station, he found Isabelle's number and called her. He asked if she could come to the police station and to bring Jace as well. When she asked why he explained that he found a video of Alec being raped and that it was finally time for Alec to get justice. Isabelle and Jace agreed right away and they were not standing outside of the station. Isabelle and Jace were both furious about there being a tape in the first place. 

"They fucking video taped it? They're sick. What were they going to do? Re watch it over and over again? I want to kill them!" Jace growled out.

"They will get whats coming to them Jace." Isabelle replied.

Magnus nodded. "Emily and Camille are not getting away with this." 

Isabelle and Jace looked at each other before turning their head towards Magnus. "You know Emily's sisters name? How?" 

"Look, I'll explain everything later. But first we need to hand this over to the police. I also need to tell you something about Alexander. But after this. Come on." 

Magnus walked into the station first followed by Isabelle and Jace. When they walked up to the front desk, Magnus asked to speak to Luke Garroway and that it was an urgent matter. Luke was the only person Magnus trusted with something like this. He was like a father to Magnus. They were told to wait there for a minute as one of the officers went to go find Luke. A few minutes later the officer came back with Luke.

"Magnus! What are you doing here? Is Clary okay? Did you tell her mom?" Luke asked worriedly.

Magnus shook his head and placed a hand on the older mans shoulder. "Clary is doing just fine Luke. Don't worry. But I really need to talk to you. Can we speak somewhere in private please?" 

Luke sighed with relief and then nodded. He then started to walk away and the other three followed. A minute later they walked into a room and Luke closed the door behind them. He asked them to take a seat just as he did.

"So what can I do for you Magnus?"

"It's about Camille...she did something horrible. And she didn't do it alone either." 

"What? I knew she wasn't good for you Magnus. What did she do to you?" Luke asked.

Magnus shook his head once more. "It wasn't to me....just...just here." 

Luke rose an eyebrow as Magnus handed him a thumb drive. Luke then placed it into his computer and when it started to play, he shut it down the first five minutes. He then took it out and placed it on his desk and looked at Magnus.

"I can't believe she did something like this. I knew she was cruel but this... oh my god. Who was that other girl and...that poor boy...."

"That's Emily, Camille's sister. And that boy is Alexander Lightwood. He's at the institute right now. These are his siblings, Jace and Isabelle." 

Luke nodded and looked at Alec's siblings. "They're going to pay for what they did to your brother. I swear. They're going to be locked up for good. Now I hate to do this but I have to send you guys away now. I'm going to gather up a team and we're going to go get Camille and Emily. I'll call you when they're in custody Magnus."

Magnus stood up as well as everyone else and he hugged Luke. "Thank you. Alexander...he's not doing great because of what they did to him. Is it okay if I call you later tonight? I need someone to talk to..." 

Luke nodded and hugged Magnus back. "Of course kiddo. You can talk to me about anything."

\-------  
After they walked out of the station, Magnus told them everything. He told them how he was in a relationship with Camille and what had happened with Alec and everything in between. Isabelle started to sob when she heard how Alec tried to kill himself and Jace wanted to punch Magnus in the face for not believing in his brother. However Jace and Isabelle also knew that it wasn't Magnus's fault.

As soon as he was done explaining, Magnus's phone started to ring. When he answered it, it was Cat telling him that Alec was waking up. Magnus told her that he would be right there and he hung up. 

"Let us go with you. Please." Isabelle whispered.

Magnus shook his head and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry darling. I wish you could. But it wouldn't help Alexander right now. But you will see him soon. I promise you. Both of you will see him very soon okay?"

Isabelle sighed and wiped her eyes. "Okay. Take care of him alright?"

"All I want to do is to take care of him." Magnus replied.

Jace walked up to Magnus and looked him straight into the eye. "Don't you dare hurt my brother ever again. I know you didn't mean to but he needs someone he can rely on. It can't be us because we're not there with him."

"I wont. I promise you I wont. I hate seeing Alexander like that. I don't ever want to see him in that much pain ever again. It broke my heart."  
\---------------------  
After getting back to the institute, Magnus ran towards the blue room. He didn't stop to say hi to anyone or to stop when people asked him questions. The only thing on his mind was Alec and he needed to see him. He needed to apologize and to explain to Alec. Magnus just didn't want Alec to hate him. He couldn't take it.

When he got to the blue room he knocked three times before Cat opened the door. Before letting Magnus come in, she stepped outside and shut the door behind her. 

"He's slowly waking up. The medicine is still making him slightly drowsy. I know you blame yourself Magnus and you shouldn't but you need to focus on Alec. Don't focus on how guilty you feel okay? This is about Alec, not you. He needs to know that you're there for him. Okay? I promise we will talk later but right now Alec needs us. Okay?"

"Okay." Magnus whispered.

Cat smiled and placed a hand on Magnus's cheek before turning around and opening the door once more. When they walked inside, Magnus saw that Alec was laying down on a bed with a blanket wrapped around his body. His eye lids were starting to flutter open and Cat and Magnus walked over and sat in the chairs that were next to the bed. Magnus didn't dare to speak until he saw Alec's eyes fully open.

"Alexander..." Magnus whispered.

Alec looked at Magnus and then whimpered. He brought his knees to his chest and closed his eyes. "Go Away."

"Sweetheart..."

Alec shook his head. "No. Don't call me that. Don't talk to me. Just...leave me alone. I hate you Magnus. I hate you." 

Alec wanted to cry. Deep down he knew he didn't hate Magnus, in fact it was the opposite. But what he did hate was that Magnus didn't believe him. That he said he would always believe Alec but he didn't and he lied. It made his heart ache because Magnus was the only person he trusted in this building and now...he had no one.

"Please let me explain. Please..." Magnus whispered.

When Alec didn't speak, Magnus sighed.

"I..I thought I was in love with Camille. She helped me through my toughest days Alexander. When we first started to date, she made me feel special. It was something I hadn't felt in a very long time. She helped me through my depression and she even helped me walk off a bridge that I was going to jump off."

Alec slowly opened his eyes and looked at Magnus.

"She was the only person who was there for me when no one else was. She would make me feel so good about my self that I couldn't see what she was doing. My friends told me that she was no good. That she was just manipulating me but I didn't want to believe them. She made me feel loved Alexander. It was something that I thought I would never have."

Alec frowned. He wanted to reach out and grab Magnus's hand but he didn't.

"A few weeks ago, I was starting to realize what kind of person she was. When I asked to stay the night at her place, she would always say that she had something to do and that i couldn't. She would always disappear for hours and I wouldn't know where she was. In my mind I knew that she was cheating on me, but I just...I wouldn't let myself believe it. I couldn't. And when you told me that it was her...I couldn't believe that either. I realize now that I never did love her, I just loved the thought of her. 

I wish I could go back in time and change things but I can't and i'm sorry. I'm so sorry Alexander. I should of believed you. I told you that I would always believe you and i broke that promise. I hate myself for it. I know that this isn't an excuse but... Alec....I..."

Alec sighed and reached out this time to grab Magnus's hand. 

"You hurt me. You hurt me so much Magnus. You were the only person that I trusted in here. The only person I could tell my story to without having the fear that you would laugh at me. But when I told you that it was Camille...you were just like everyone else and it hurt. I was angry at you. I was so furious. But I understand Magnus. I mean...I've never been in love before, or even had a relationship but I've seen my sister and brother fall in love before and so I can see what it's like.

You should of believed me yes, but I get why you didn't. I'm still very upset but don't beat yourself up okay Magnus? It's going to take a long time for me to trust you again but... I want to. I want to trust you again. But I'm just so tired Magnus. I'm so tired of nothing ever going my way. I'm tired of everyone laughing at me and telling me that it wasn't rape because i'm a guy. I'm tired of feeling this way. I want it to stop. It's why I tried to.... I just want it to stop. I want to stop hurting so much. I want the nightmares to stop, I want to stop flinching away from someone touching me. I just want it all to stop."

Magnus felt wet tears rolls down his face. He was crying and everyone knew it. However no one was judging him because the only people in the room were Alec and Cat and they were both crying as well.

"Alexander. I promise I won't ever break a promise to you again. I promise that I'll always believe you. I'm so sorry for doubting you. I feel terrible and I'm just so sorry. But we will work this out. We will. If you...if you give me a chance....we will work together to make you happy again. To make you want to hug someone and not be scared too. We will work this out...if you just let me."

Alec nodded. "Together."

Magnus smiled. He then looked down at his hand and noticed Alec was still holding it.

"See you're getting better already." 

Alec's eyes widened and he quickly took back his hand. He then remembered something and he closed his eyes.

"Magnus? Can you forget the things I said about...about liking you and stuff."

Magnus frowned. "Look at me Alexander."

Alec took a deep breath in and out before opening his eyes. 

"I can't forget it. Because I feel the same way."

"You do?" Alec whispered.

"I do Alexander. More than you could ever know."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support.  
> Here is a new chapter and I hope you like it.

After their talk, Alec fell asleep. He was exhausted and after everything that had happened, it made sense that he needed some sleep. Magnus didn't leave his side once. He held his hand as he slept. He swept back the hair that fell in Alec's eyes. He even kissed his forehead from time to time. Cat checked up on them every hour to make sure Alec was alright and even to check to see if Magnus was okay as well. 

A few hours later Alec started to thrash around on the bed. He started to whimper and say no and stop over and over again. Magnus who was asleep at the time woke up when he heard a scream. He quickly shot up from the chair and looked over at Alec who was now awake and had tears rolling down his face. His knees were brought up to his chest and he was rocking back and forth on the bed as he stared out into nothing.

Magnus quickly got up and sat down on the bed. He knew it might be a bad idea because he knew Alec hated to be touched but it was the only thing he could do. He quickly scooped Alec into his lap and rocked him back and forth. Alec tried to struggle out of Magnus's hold but once he saw that it was Magnus he slumped into the older mans chest and cried. 

"I can't get it out of my head. These nightmares...they replay everything and I can't..." Alec said trying not to choke on his words.

Magnus kissed his temple. "I know Alexander. I know. We never got the chance to get you medicine for them but I promise today we will. I'm so sorry that you keep reliving that night through these nightmares. It's not fair. I promise you Alexander by tonight, you will have no more nightmares."

"Thank you. I'm sorry for screaming and waking you up." Alec whispered.

Magnus shook his head. "There is nothing to apologize for sweetheart. It's okay. And you don't have to thank me either. I'm happy to do it. Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" 

Alec shook his head. "No. But I...I want to talk about something else."

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Magnus asked softly. 

"Why do you believe me now? You didn't believe me when I told you it was Camille but here you are now saying that you do? It's confusing. How can I trust you?" Alec whispered.

Magnus closed his eyes. He dreaded this moment. He knew that Alec would have to be told of the tape. Even though he glad that it was him telling Alec, he still didn't want to do it. Only because he knew it would break Alec more. However Magnus promised himself that he is going to help Alec through this.

"There is something you need to know Alexander. I would of told you earlier but you weren't in the best state. When I was at Camille's house, I saw a thumb drive. It had the date of the night you were...you were raped. I took it and I left Camille's house immediately. I didn't know what was on the tape but I had a good idea and when I got home I played it. I had to know if what Camille did was true. And on that thumb drive...it was that night Alexander. I saw her and Emily drag you into the room and I stopped it immediately. I'm so sorry Alexander."

Alec tensed up. "They taped it? Why? What...were they going to watch it over and over again? Magnus..." Alec whimpered.

"I know baby. I know. But I handed over the tape to the police and I told them everything. I'm sorry if I went against you but I had to do it. We actually met with Luke. A good friend of mine and Clary's step father. He got right on it. Camille and Emily are not getting away with it sweetheart."

"What if she made more copies? I can't..."

Magnus held him tighter. "Hey, once I talk to Luke to see if they got Camille and Emily, i'm going straight to her place and to look at her computer to make sure. And if she does i'm going to delete every single one of them. No one is going to watch them. I promise."

"Why me Magnus? Why did this happen to me?"

"I don't know baby. I don't know. I'm sorry." Magnus replied with a cracked voice.

Alec sighed. "Can you stay with me a little longer? I don't want to be alone."

"I'm not going anywhere."  
\--------------------------------  
Hours later Magnus got a call from Luke. Alec was asleep once again so Magnus gently got off the bed and over to his phone. He looked back at Alec once more before answering the phone.

"Hey Luke." 

"Hey Magnus. So I have some bad news." 

Magnus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What is it."

"It's Camille and Emily. They're gone. It looks like they both figured out that they were caught and that they both packed a bag and each left their home. I have no idea where they went to but I can assure you I have my best men out there looking for those girls. They won't get away with this. I'm sorry Magnus." 

"What am I going to tell Alec? Oh god..." 

"Don't tell him anything." Luke replied. 

Magnus shook his head. "No. I have to tell him. I broke his trust once before and I won't do it again. I can't lie to him."

"Okay. But Magnus there's more."

"Tell me."

"We searched Emily's closet and on the walls of the closet were pictures of Alec. It's creepy Magnus. She's been in his house while he was asleep. Theres pictures of him sleeping and changing and at school. Even some with his siblings. It's not right. What the fuck is wrong with this girl." Luke hissed out. 

"Oh my god. Alec told me that she was obsessed with him but I didn't think she was...was that obsessed. I doubt Alec even knows. You don't think that they would come here do you?" Magnus asked.

"I don't know kid. I am going to send some officers there to stay until we catch them. I think it would be best to not let anyone one inside or outside the building until Emily and Camille are caught." Luke explained.

"Okay. Okay yeah. That means I can't leave huh?" 

"I'm sorry Magnus."

"It's okay. Just can you do me a favor? Can you check up on my cat and also can you go by Camille's and see if she has any copies of that night on her computer and get rid of them? I told Alec I would do it but it looks like I cant. And I wouldn't leave him alone anyways. Not now." 

Luke nodded. "Of course. I will call you later tonight okay?"

"Okay. Thank you Luke."

"Welcome. Take good care of that boy."

When the two hung up Magnus wanted to scream out loud. However he didn't. Instead he called up Isabelle so that he could explain the situation to her and Jace. They were Alec's siblings and they needed to know what was going on. After wards he is going to wait until Alec wakes up to tell him the bad news. It made Magnus want to cry. All Alec is ever getting is bad news these days and Magnus just wished that things would stop. But it wasn't so simple and little did anyone know that things were just about to get even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta read. Sorry for any mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes in my writing!


End file.
